By Jim Fay

"Mom, I don't want to go to school. It's not fair. Mrs. Taylor tells the kids not to tease me, but they still do it when she's not watching 'em. I try to ignore 'em just like you said, but they just do it all the more."

Loving parents who are confronted with this feel like a piece of their hearts is being ripped out. What a hopeless feeling we have when our kids are being rejected or teased by other kids. It is not uncommon at these times to have feelings that include both heartache and rage.

We think to ourselves, "Why can't the school people protect my child? Don't they realize that we put out kids in their hands, and therefore, our trust?"

The sad truth is that the more a teacher protects the child who is teased, the more resentful and aggressive the other children become. A teacher who tells kids to be nice to a specific child actually "marks" that youngster and sets him/her up for more intense rejection and ridicule.

When it comes to teasing, the only person who can protect your child from teasing is your child. Kids have some sort of build-in sonar that causes them to zero in on certain kids and they ca be unmerciful in the torment.

Watching this happen can be a gut-wrenching experience for any adult. But the good news is that we can actually help kids become "teaseproof."

Have you ever noticed that some kids never get teased while others are constantly subjected to teasing? There is a pattern to this.

Kids who are never teased never worry about being teased. They can't imagine that it would ever happen to them. They have an aura around them that says, "I can handle myself."

Kids who do get teased constantly worry about being ridiculed and send out non-verbal messages that indicate lack of confidence and fear of teasing. Children are especially in tune with non-verbal signals of weakness. Without realizing what they are doing they zero in on these kids. Two subconscious goals come into play. The first is, "I can show others that I am superior to that kid," and the other is, "That kid's weak and I better show him that he needs to toughen up."

Remember that none of this happens at the conscious level. It just happens and appears to be human nature.

The trick to "teaseproofing" a youngster is giving him/her the skills to be able to handle teasing. Once the child realizes he/she can actually handle the problem, you will see a change in the non-verbal attitude. The other kids will recognize this and start looking for different targets.

Mr. Mendez, a wonderful second grade teacher, "teaseproofed" his whole class. He said to the class, "Kids, the reason kids tease other kids is that it makes them feel superior. Now, you can let them get away with this or you can use an adult one-liner. But first of all, we all have to practice the 'cool look'.

This teacher had the kids practice standing with their hands in their pockets, rocking back on their heels, and putting a cool grin on their face. He practiced this over and over. Every now land then, he would yell out, "Let's see you 'cool look'" The kids would all jump out of their seats and put on the 'look'. Once they had all mastered the 'cool look,' he said, "When kids start to tease you, put on your 'cool look'. Keep the look going while they tease. As soon as they get through putting you down, use your one-liner." The one-liner he taught them is one of the famous Love and Logic One-Liners, "Thanks for sharing that with me." Mr. Mendez had the kids practice this, making sure that they kept the 'cool look' on while they said the words.

This article is by Jim Fay